When life throws us curveballs, they can quickly engulf us with emotion. Be it anger, fear, stress, or sadness.
In those moments, it can be hard to know what to do, who to contact, and how to respond. The last thing we usually want to do is sit with it and feel it in our bodies.
Last week a curveball took me totally by surprise. At the last minute, my retreat partner and I had to cancel the Colombian retreat we had been planning for almost a year, due to circumstances outside of our control.
At first, it felt surreal, like it wasn’t happening. Then a wave of sadness submerged me, quickly followed by the familiar feelings of shame and sense of failure.
I grappled with these emotions, fought them, cried, and finally let go.
Over the past few months, I have been pushing hard. Forcing Root Beginnings forward with an urgency that felt unnatural, yet still, I continued.
The perfectionist in me wanted to have completed the full cycle of offerings within my first year - mind-body coaching, all four seasonal workshops, and an annual retreat.
Anything less was a failure.
Sitting with the sadness I felt, I realised how much pressure I had been putting on myself. How much I had allowed perfection and self-sufficiency to become the leaders in my day to day.
I had shoved aside all the things I had achieved, and focused solely on the one thing I hadn’t.
The simple joys I had cultivated in previous months had been replaced by the need to use all my time and energy to get everything ‘perfect.’
More importantly, I realised how much I was punishing myself along the way.
“How much we know and understand ourselves is critically important, but there is something that is even more essential to living a wholehearted life: loving ourselves.” Brene Brown
The process of self-discovery, as we reconnect with all parts of ourselves, is equal parts head work and heart work. Too often, we get consumed by our heads and lean into the ego state that holds us in patterns of judgment and comparison.
Just as I had done.
As we discover who we are, and what we truly want, our unique joys become even more important. Embracing what we love and how we love ourselves with a tenderness and gentleness that only we can cultivate from our hearts.
It can be difficult to shift away from strong old habits and behaviours, but when we find the courage to explore the road less travelled, it requires us to experience life differently.
Holding joy and sadness side by side this week ignited a sense of inspiration for what truly matters.
Deepening the sense of compassion for ourselves, and reconnecting with our purpose, anchors us in our hearts and cultivates the courage for us to live our lives with an unparalleled aliveness.
“Don’t ask what the world needs. Ask what makes you come alive, and go do it. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive.” Howard Thurman
In embracing both the joys and the curveballs of life, we not only discover what truly matters, but we also find the strength to nurture ourselves through the ebb and flow. By choosing to honour our hearts over perfection, we create space for growth, resilience, and a life lived with greater intention and aliveness.
Reflective questions:
Are you feeling drained by trying to control outcomes, rather than allowing them to unfold naturally?
What signals has your body or mind given you that it might be time to step back or surrender?
In what areas of your life are you pushing forward, even when you sense resistance or a lack of flow?
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